10.05.2005

Read all instructions carefully

So, I decided to cook a Hot Pockets Soft Bread Sub for lunch. You ever read the instructions on the crisping sleeve for one of those things? Sheesh.

  1. Place one sandwich in sleeve.
    [Italics added for emphasis. The cellophane wrap contains one sleeve and one sandwich. The other sandwich in the box has its own sleeve inside its cellophane wrapper. Can it be that some jerk, somewhere, would try to stuff both sandwiches into one sleeve? "Damn, it's hard to get these into the sleeve! Hm, I wonder what the other sleeve is for?"]
  2. See package for cooking instructions.
    [Cook on high for 2 minutes for one sandwich.]
  3. Let stand for 2 minutes.
And now the kicker, the most important instruction (it must be, it's in bold all caps in a box):


THIS SIDE UP
CAUTION: SANDWICH WILL BE HOT


Hm, let's see... I nuked this for two minutes on high, inside a foil-lined cardboard sleeve. You s'pose it's hot? Nah, couldn't be. I'll just take a big bite and AAAAGGGHHH!!! I'll sue! Why didn't they warn me?!

P.S. The sleeve is called a Qwik Crisp and it possesses no fewer than three patents. I can't imagine how such an unassuming piece of cardboard could possibly merit three patents.

4 comments:

Jason said...

I can't imagine how such an unassuming piece of cardboard could possibly merit three patents.

Who were you just working for again? Oh yeah, a company that makes 3.5" x 2.5" pieces of cardstock, some of which are patented :)

Anonymous said...

A completely unrelated comment/question (also known as its amazing what a web search can turn up.) I'm working on getting into non-fiction gaming writing and as such have set my sights on Scrye. However, I can't find anything in the magazine that lists submission guidlines. Is there a website I can go to? Since I believe you've done some writing for them, I'm hoping you would know where they would have this. I promise not to bug you for help, reviews, editing or anything else if you point me towards guidlines. :) (Current experience is only website publications and some stuff for AEG.)

GiromiDe said...

Anything can be patented, including a game no more than fifty people played.

Anonymous said...

lol.. just today I found these hot pocket subs.. and I'm actually looking for the Qwik Crips stuff in the internet.. why 3 patents??